Why Jesus?

If you ask me why I am a Christian, I will say, “I was raised that way.”

My earliest memories of church were a Jehovah’s Witness church.  Why will they always survive a storm?  They’re always in doorways.

When we first moved to Mississippi, we attended a full gospel church.  The worship shook that itty bitty building.  People fell down, spoke in tongues, and generally got funky with it.  Nothing anybody can do in a church can ever surprise me.

For the past several years, we’ve attended an Assembly of God church sporadically.  Assembly of God is basically laid-back Pentecostal.  For a few years, I attended a Baptist youth group with one of my friends.  I did a Sunday school study of The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning for a few weeks with a Methodist church.  

I’ll be honest because lying’s a sin:  I don’t like going to church.

I’m of a firm belief that going to church isn’t going to keep me out of hell.  It doesn’t get me brownie points with God, but He has better things to send me to hell over.  Like, refusing to give help when needed.  Like, being mean to my fatherless godkids.  Like being regular, misanthropic me.

A few weeks ago, I attended another Baptist church with my family.  My little brother, Vin, was going there for Awanas.  The Assembly of God church has no such programs for children, most of the congregation is older, and the preacher is, Lord forgive me, not very good.

I attended the Sunday school a few weeks before that.  I was one of the youngest ones in there.  So, that Sunday, I was going to wait out in the car and come in for the church service.

My boss’s wife attends that same church.  She came out to the car to retrieve me.  She even had the nerve to tell the class I thought they were old.

“Older than me,” I corrected.

One of which, I recognized from high school who was only a year ahead of me.  Older than me still, but not much older.  I’ll amend my statement by saying they’re all settled, married, with children, or children on the way.  Grown ups, where I was barely 21, still living at home, the whole nine yards.

Anyway, the Trail of Blood came up in the discussion this second time I attended.  Apparently, Baptists have been around a lot longer than the Reformation, and mean old Catholics were prosecuting them, et cetera et cetera.

“Why are you Baptist?” the teacher asked the class.

Most were raised that way.  One or two said that what the preacher at another church was saying in the pulpit wasn’t in the Bible they were supposed to be reading.  What followed was a discussion on why Baptists are the best denomination, and how awful all the others were.  

It wasn’t really like that, but to my non-dominational ear, that’s what it sounded like.

I’ve visited plenty of non-denom churches, although I’ve never been a member of one.  I’ve always kind of liked them:  they’re honest in that they don’t know what they are.  I’m non-denom at heart.  I’ve visited and been a member of too many different kinds of churches to not be.  No denomination is better than another.  They’re all just a little weirder the last.

Do you believe Christ is Messiah?  Then you are a Christian—follower of Christ.  So my definition goes.  Very mind-blowing, I know.

I was honest with my mother:  I don’t want to attend a church where Baptists believe they’re the only ones going to heaven.  I don’t see myself as a happy Baptist.  If the stereotypes about Baptists are true, “happy Baptist” is a contradiction in terms.

Salt of the earth, right here people.  It’s annoying.  And here’s the thing:  Christians, as a whole, aren’t special.

We’re not the only religion with a virgin birth—and I’m not talking about Star Wars.  Krishna was supposedly conceived without sex. 

SIDENOTE:  Hinduism is considered the oldest religion by historians.  That would put Hindic law being put down sometime after the Flood, but before Mosaic law was put down.  That’s only a a few chapters in the Bible, but while there are estimated dates on the Hebrews’ time in Egypt, there’s not much for an estimated date for Creation or the Flood.  The Christian’s world is estimated to be about 6,000 years at youngest and perhaps 10,000 at oldest—and that’s stretching it. 

The Egyptians were a polytheistic people when the Hebrews were there in slavery—pre-Moses.  Even earlier, in Abraham’s culture, it was perfectly acceptable for a servant to lie with her male master and produce a child.  What Sarah had Hagar do wasn’t frowned on by the neighbors.  A little farther down, Sodom and Gomorrah were godless, sinful cities.

Even on a biblical timeline, it could very well be true. Hinduism--and quite possibly other religions--is older than Mosaic law.

God is not younger than religion:  it’s possible.  Written law is a relatively new idea.

What would probably be more familiar is that we’re not the only one with a worldwide flood.  Just about every culture has one.

I think legends do have a grain of truth to them.  When a lot of legends have a lot of the same elements to them.  When there’s a legend from each culture that tells the same story—flood stories, for example—there’s more to it than just a story.

Flood stories are easy.  Most historians will say there was a worldwide flood.  It’s been proven and an accepted fact.

I’m an ex-English major, history buff, and a mythophile:  I know how legends work.

Noah and his sons went out into the world and told the story to their children and their children’s children.  Over time, the story changed.  Details get forgotten.  Whoever was telling it changed the story to make it more familiar—but kept in tune with the fact God, or the gods, got angry and destroyed the world but for a few people and all the animals of all the world.

God hit the restart button on the world after saving His last game.

Even in the Bible studies, you learn Moses put down the first books of the Bible.  Not Adam.  Not Noah.  Not Shem, Ham, and Japheth.  Information from God or not, the information was secondhand nonetheless.  At least where Genesis, the beginning, is concerned.

Prophecies were told about Jesus’ birth centuries before he actually put in a formal appearance.  Again, told over and over, stuff gets lost, and then stories get made up about it, too.  We have Revelation, a book of prophecy, and there’s the best-selling Left Behind series about it.  Apocalyptic fiction’s hot stuff.

Even after Jesus’ time, I could see people telling these stories about this amazing hobo.  It becomes a family story, and the stories change over time.

This is the head-spinning thing about the Bible:  Infallible book, written by fallible people.  Inspired by God, but still written by imperfect people.

Does this not bother anybody else?

Why didn’t Jesus write stuff down when he was down here?

Oh yeah, too busy healing the sick and teaching people how to be good.  He left writing down what He did to other people.  And even then, most of the Gospels weren’t written until years later, to teach the later generations.  That generation didn’t need the Gospels.  They were there.  They ate with the Gospel.

So, if all the stories of the world, all actually tell the same story, how do you know which one’s right?  Because this particular version has basically ruled this part of the world since Emperor Constantine of Rome?  Because it’s the best-selling book of all time?

I accept the idea of God.  I accept the worldwide flood, the idea of evil.  Angels, demons, what-have-you.

However, what makes Christianity so special is what I’ve been struggling with lately.

The Christian God is the only God that loves sinners—so I’ve been told.

John says that Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life.”  Again, John telling us what someone else said in a book that’s generally not okay to question.

Most scholars agree Jesus existed.  Most agree he was baptized by John the Baptist and that he was crucified in the Roman way.   Even with non-biblical accounts, there was this guy named Jesus who was from Galilee.  He had disciples that spread his message even after he died.

Most historians believe the Bible to be historically accurate.  As accurate as a few people coming back to the dead could possibly be.  There’s a few resurrections in the Bible, people, Old and New Testament.  Like one’s not hard enough to believe.

Then there’s the Dead Sea Scrolls discovery.  These old texts matched very closely to the things the Hebrews were teaching.  Not much, if anything, was altered.  Bible scholars will say, the Jews were touchy about their literature.  You did not deviate.  It was this way, it was the right way, and if you don’t like it, we’ll stone you.

All that being said, there’s a lot of evidence to back up Christianity as the “right way.”

Not to mention, all the other ways to heaven just include being a good person.  Karma.  Be good to the universe.

So, why am I a Christian?

Because I was raised that way. 

Because, and my memory’s a little fuzzy, when I was in elementary school, I had a bad, bad case of warts.  I had over 80, maybe even 100, warts on my hands.  I think I got my first one while I was still living in Louisiana I’ve lived here in Mississippi since ’98.  The warts bothered me.  I always hid my hands.  What kid wouldn’t?  Oh, and yes, I did like frogs.  That’s not where I got them, but I digress.

I tried over the counter stuff.  I went to the dermatologist.  There were too many to laser.  He prescribed a special cream.  It didn’t work.  And I mean, nothing happened.  Every now and then I would take fingernail clippers to them and clip them off.  No, it didn’t hurt much.  I do remember making myself bleed a few times, and they never stayed gone.

I was about in third or fourth grade when my mother finally went to a retreat of some kind and came back.  I was taken to the front of the church (this was at the Full Gospel church, so that puts it no later than 2002).  They put olive oil (annointing oil) on my hands and prayed over me.

One by one, the warts began disappearing.  It was a miracle.  In hindsight, it seems really petty and superficial.  All that being said, the Christian God took them away.

Either that, or take note:  olive oil cures warts.

I’ve heard that saying you were raised that way, or talking about a miracle in your life are the wrong answers to the question as to why you’re a Christian.  I’m just thinking:  what other reason could someone possibly have?

Because my mother always listens to Revelation and I don’t want the mark of the beast on me and I certainly don’t want to be thrown in the lake of the fire.

Is being scared out of hell a good reason?

The first reason does make sense as being the wrong answer:  you didn’t come to it on your own free will.  The second, I’ve always thought was a good reason:  you’ve had evidence in your own life.  The third has screwed me up spiritually for years.  I’m talking since I was a little kid.  Like, since the warts in elementary school little.  I am the wrong personality type to have to have been brought to God that way.  And to this day, I hate End Times sermons.

Now I just say this:  Christianity is my insurance policy.

If there really are a hundred ways to heaven, I’m good.

If there really is nothing after life, I’m still good.

If I never wreck the car, well hot dog.

If my mom’s right, if this God really does care about my petty superficialities, and is judgmental, who has the right to judge, I’m covered by the blood of the Lamb, a blanket policy that doesn’t expire till I stop paying.  And all I do (or all I should do anyway) isn’t in vain.

When the car’s totaled, there’s a replacement waiting for me.  When this body gives up the ghost, there’s another waiting.  Hopefully a better looking one.

That’s what this was all about.  Why do I still believe what my mother always told me?  Why don’t I regulate the warts to a happy accident?  Why don’t I just reject the fear and live how I like?

Because I still live at home.

That’s not even a good enough reason for me.  It’s as if I didn’t choose to be a Christian, when I kind of did.

A slightly better reason is this:  my religion is my crutch.

I love when people get offended when people call the idea of God a crutch.  This, I think, is the very nature of human beings.  If you’re a Christian, you believe you are nothing without Jesus.  You accept the fact you need Him.  Yet, when someone calls it what it is, you don’t like it.

And the funny thing is, He wants us to come by our own free will.  Jesus says, “I love you.  I died for you.  I want you with Me.  But I won’t make you choose Me.” And you don’t have to.

The catch is, you won’t get very far without Him.

Adam’s curse is that we’re all born broken, all in need of something to hold us together in this life.  Jesus’s gift is the hope of being fixed one day, in the next life, repaired to the point of being unbreakable.

It’s like God wants us to have spiritual Stockholm Syndrome or something.

I wonder what a healthy view of God, religion, and Jesus is.  My question is constantly, why do I bother with Christianity?  I’m not a good Christian.  I have several book-related issues.  One, I like secular romance books and can’t stand Christian romance.  Two, I’m addicted to buying books (not addicted to buying romance books, though; just books in general).  I feel more for fictional people than I do for real people.  I’m certain if I read my Bible like I did novels, I’d be a Bible genius.  I’m apathetic and misanthropic in turns.  I’m self-centered (not selfish, but self-centered), and narcisstic.  I don’t have a bleeding heart.  I’m lazy and don’t care for the temple that’s supposed to be my body.  I’m judgmental and indecisive.  I focus on the wrong things.  I ask the wrong questions and question the wrong things.  “He knew all the wrong answers to the right questions and all the right answers to the wrong questions,” says Lloyd Alexander of Fflewddur Fflam in The Truthful Harp.  I always identified with him.

Despite all of that, I have hope I could be decent person someday.  And hope is a good thing, a good ideal.  And ideals don’t die.

The Scholastic Approach

In the immortal words of Robert Fulgulm and Mercedes Lackey, "If it's stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid."

I'm a mythology buff.  I'm not Bible-illiterate, but I don't know as much as I should.  I know Greek, Roman, Celtic, and even some other odds and ends of other culture's mythologies.  I know some of my own.

So, as a little experiment, I'm going to take a scholastic approach to Bible studying.

Before you get offended, a myth is a story featuring supernatural elements that explain an occurence.  Creation tales get their own section across the blanket of the world's mythology.  The Bible opens with one.  So does Ovid's Metamorphoses.  A mythology is a body of myths.

I love me some myths now.

And so, we delve into Christian mythology.  I've got a Bible and a e-Apocrypha, a fantasy encyclopedia, and Google.  Let's do this.

Christianity for Virgins

The Bible's written by people, but inspired by God. The Bible's written by fallible people and inspired by a infallible God. Just let that sink in.

Paul says that it's good to be alone. Dig around 1 Corinthians 7. You should marry if you can't control yourself, other than that, you can stay by yourself and be concerned about God and what he wants.

I'm not saying that's what its says. But it's what it sounds like. "It's better to marry than to burn." How many times do you hear that in your life?


__As Taken from BibleGateway.com__

1 Corinthians 7:25-28
New King James Version (NKJV)
To the Unmarried and Widows
25 Now concerning virgins: I have no commandment from the Lord; yet I give judgment as one whom the Lord in His mercy has made trustworthy. 26 I suppose therefore that this is good because of the present distress—that it is good for a man to remain as he is: 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you.
_______

So, God didn't say anything, but Paul and God are cool, so it's okay for him to give his opinion...

And yet, in that same chapter, and throughout the Bible, there is a lot of pictures of how husbands and wives should act. There is almost nothing on how an unmarried (implied virgin) person should act. And as Paul said, he has no commandment.

I don't read a lot of Christian fiction (or Christian nonfic either, for that matter). But the majority of C-fic is romance. People in relationships, with other people. Not that they don't have godly messages, but no one likes a story where the girl doesn't get the guy in the end, even though she's happy with God alone and is sparing herself a lot of trouble. Nope, none of these people can handle being alone.

That doesn't send a good message...

I love romances--the occasional Christian romance, and a lot of secular historicals.

But, God made Adam for Eve and it says back in Genesis that God said it's not good for man to be alone. Be fruitful and multilpy and all that.

To each his (or her) own.

There's a lot for women in the Bible, how wives should act, and something about how she'll be saved through childbearing.

Paul, you just said it's good to remain unmarried. But then you said I'll be saved through childbearing. Are you saying I won't be able to exhibit self-control, and that when I'll marry and have a kid I'll be saved?

I think I know what Disraeli meant when he said, "Every woman should marry...and no man."

Use Your Reason

“A little science estranges a man from God. A lot of science brings him back.”
― Francis Bacon

During the Enlightenment, the intellectuals were trying to make sense of the world.  The US is a product of the era, and because of us, kind of, the French had their revolution.  This is a history lesson, so listen carefully.

This was when Newton was inventing calculus.  People were discovering the stars.  The ideas of freedom of speech and religion were taking root in the minds of the Founding Fathers and the Philosophes.

They were rationalizing everything. "Use your reason." Even then, they understood the need for certain laws, such as don't kill or steal.  It made sense.

Oh, but what about adultery, lying, and coveting.  Hm, let's see, adultery will hurt your marriage.  The truth stops at the truth.  When you lie, you got to create twenty more to cover the first one.  When you covet, you're not happy.  Happiness is an attitude, not a goal.

Some stuff's easy:

When you engage in pre-marital sex, you risk getting pregnant.  If you do, all your plans go up in smoke, don't they?  But if you wouldn't have, you wouldn't have that problem.  If you get an abortion, you're committing murder.  The lesson:  to spare yourself a lot of trouble and to save a hypothetical life, don't have sex until you're ready to reproduce.

"Oh, but what about contraceptives?"

Condoms break.  Birth control can throw you out of whack.  And they're not foolproof.

I'm not trying to get off on an abstinence or pro-life kick (although I do support both), I'm just trying to make a point.  I'm following the logic.

I draw this conclustion:  The Technician that wired us wants to keep us from getting glitches.

The Insurance Policy God

Between Evolutionary theory, Abiogenesis, and Creation theory, the story of how the world began is constantly thrown into question.  Personally, I'm a big fan of Creation tales, no matter the origin.

So, if there is no God, and I die, it doesn't matter.  If there is, and I die, I can go to heaven or hell.  I love when Brad Stine says, 'So, you're saying I should believe in God so I don't go to hell?'  Pretty much."

I love that video.

One of the things about growing up in church, is that God becomes sort of a safety net.  Feel free to call Christianity a crutch.  It is.  People with broken legs can't get around without their crutch or a cane.  And we're very broken.

It's like insurance for your house.  I come from South Louisiana.  I have family that lives in the hurricane target.  You don't know if your house will get torn away, but you put some money aside, just in case it does.

If nothing happens, you're out a few dollars.  If something does, thank God, you have insurance.

Another thing I've noticed is the passage where our works will be tested by fire.  If it burns away, and all that's left is a foundation, yeah, you'll get into heaven, but it's like narrowly escaping the flames.  It reads something like that.  So, getting saved it the foundation.  Your works are on top.  Were they for you or for God's glory?

Works are the building blocks for your mansion.  So, you want to do a lot of stuff for God.  The problem with this is you're not supposed to get caught up in works.  You risk a legalistic faith.  And in the end, if your heart wasn't in the right place, even when you say all the works you did in His Name, He'll say, "Depart from me, I never knew you."

There's this fine balance that needs to be maintained.

How do you do it?

I have no idea.  If I did, I'm not sure I would be writing this blog.  I'm struggling with the rest of you.


In regarding works, I have this rather romantic idea that the little things we do out of love are the real salvific works we do.  We're not thinking about, 'this is a brick in my mansion,' we don't think of it as a work, we just do it out of love.  And God is love.  Is that Him shining through us?

Love is a complicated thing.  It's more of going through hell with someone and enduring it with them, perhaps in search of heaven.

Love was Adam listening to his wife, and leaving Eden with Eve.  It wouldn't be paradise without her anyway.

And love was Jesus, the Second Adam, coming down to save His bride, to take her back to paradise, even if it meant suffering.  The most accurate picture of love is a Man hanging on a cross.

Christianity's crazy.  That's all I'm going to say.  It's not always easy to understand.  But I know God is real.  If I know nothing else, I know that.  And when the world ends, I have my insurance.

Reading and Writing

Didn't I say I was bright?  I'm above average intelligence, but not genius.  Too dumb to hang out with Einstein, too smart to hang out with normal people.  I never really fit anywhere.  While I was in high school, I was grouped with the nerds, but I really wasn't one.  I don't RP, play video games, build computer software, or watch Doctor Who (although I am interested in it, I just don't know where to start).

I read, but I'm not a stereotypical bookworm either.  I read romance, fantasy, and children's; and the occasional cozy mystery, horror, literary, and YA.  Eclectic isn't abnormal, but I don't read all the bestsellers or anything like that.  I just read what I want to read. Like Pocucurante in Candide by Voltaire:  “Fools have a habit of believing that everything written by a famous author is admirable. For my part I read only to please myself and like only what suits my taste.”

In reality, I find I focus on the wrong things.  Instead of giving to the poor or volunteering, most of the money I get goes on books and stuff for me.  I don't think people think less of me for wanting to build my mind and library--but it's actually a selfish habit.

Writing and reading are some of the most selfish things you can do.  When you're reading, you're tending to your needs and wants.  Writing is slightly less selfish.  Many times I've written something and I thought it helped people.  Most of the time, though, I write for myself.

The funny thing about writing is that I know it's my calling.  I can't see myself doing anything else, and nothing else has really opened up for me.  I'm a writer.  So, if it's my calling, it's okay, right?  And to be a good writer, I have to read a lot, right?

I'm introverted.  I don't like being around people, and after a while, I just want to curl up and read or write, or something.  I used to feel bad about it.  Then I got over it.  If I spent all my time around people, I'd never get any reading or writing done.  Churches stress the importance of relationships.  I don't get into relationships easy.  I have two best friends, some casual acquaintances that I seldom talk to, and a big, crazy family.  For me, that's more than enough social interaction.

I swear, I think social media was invented for introverts.  Looking at my Facebook wall, I think if people didn't already know I was an introvert, they wouldn't know it by looking at my wall.  I'm very honest and open about what I like and what I'm doing.  In person, not so much.

It's easy to be anyone online.  Even yourself.  It always aggravates me that there's few people in my "real life" that I have much in common with.  I don't make any connections online either.  It's lonely, being one of a kind.

Yes, I love playing tortured artist.

Intelligence and the Bible

I pride myself on my intelligence.  Other people usually tell me they can tell I'm bright.  The funny thing is, the Bible doesn't put much stock on intelligence.  I'm trying to think of a biblical hero who was learned.  The only one I can really think of is Luke, the physician.  The Greeks put a lot of stock in learning.  Christians, not so much.

If an atheist says Christians are stupid, the accusation may be well-founded.  Christianity is not a religion of the mind, but of the heart and soul.  Most religions are.

This is why religion, any religion, isn't a popular idea.

I'm a doubting Thomas.  I like to see with my own eyes and feel with my own hands the handprints of God's work.  I like to make sense of the world.  Christianity doesn't make sense all of the time.  Sometimes it does.

You see my struggle here?  Is it wrong to want to find answers when I should be building faith?  Is it okay to want proof?

Neither love nor faith should be blind.  Sometimes I wonder if I really love God.  If I loved Him, wouldn't I be more obedient?  Wouldn't I spend more time in my Bible?  Wouldn't I be more a more loving person?

I read prolificly.  Not as much as some, but more than most.  All that being said, I don't know my Bible that well.  I know where some stuff is, but overall, my Bible IQ is the reverse of my reading habits:  more than some, less than most.  Or maybe not.  Plenty of Christians don't know their Bible that well.

We're not supposed to understand God.  I say I accept this, yet I still try to understand what's going on in my life, as it happens.

I write fiction too, so sometimes I just want to fall away for a little while, hit rock bottom, and come back again into the light.  It's a well-scripted story, and one I'm familiar with.

The problem with planning to sin, with the storyline, is that I don't know if I have that kind of time.  Everyone says the world is ending soon.


The Bible's a funny book.  People say it contradicts itself.  Does it?  I don't know, I've never read the whole thing through.  Would I find it if I did?  Probably not.  I don't pay that much attention.  I don't read between the lines.  I read for the sake of enjoyment, most of the time.  I miss the most important things.